Stretch Vulnerability

It’s December, y’all! Four weeks before we close out 2022. Geesh…

For me, this is the day I start to take stock of whether time has conspired in my favor over the course of the year… or not. Luckily, I’m writing from the gorgeous Outer Banks so this reflection is accompanied by a beachfront sunrise and a hot cup of coffee.

While charmed, this trip is not a vacation. Last Sunday, a few trusted friends and I met at this little oceanfront cottage with our new ideas and current projects in tow. We hung our pride at the front door and got down to business. The goal was to brainstorm new ways of looking at each other’s work while anchoring ourselves in key milestones for the new year. Fresh eyes. Intention. A daily toast.

Today, I wanted to remind you of the secret to making a setting like this work. If you’re gonna throw business owners together to talk about their ‘pride and joy’ for days at a time, you better bring some ‘stretch vulnerability’ to the table.

I know, I know… not that word again. Trust me, I get it, vulnerability can be overused or get twisted into something it’s not, but stretch vulnerability is next level. It’s the type of dig deep, honest self-engagement that might make you hold your breath or cringe a little when you say ‘the thing’ out loud. And, it also means you’re responsible for contributing to the conditions of trust that allow for meaningful and constructive feedback.

Interestingly, over the last few weeks, I’ve been forced to practice this level of vulnerability in both my personal and professional life—white-knuckling my way through if I’m honest. This deeper level of transparency and honesty has shown up while working with my team, parenting an out-of-state college student, and dating in a new phase…and it’s been a little scary at times. But the payoff has been greater trust.

We know that increased trust positively impacts team productivity, P&L statements and family dynamics. And we know that vulnerability is the cornerstone to the trust needed to find this pot of gold. So then the real question becomes: if vulnerability leads to greater trust…can you afford NOT to engage in it?

OPEN UP AND GET REAL!

To this end, I want to pass along a few ways to up the ante this holiday season in the ‘open up and get real’ department.

• Own Your S@#t Instead of Blaming Others. We all know the coworker who blames everyone and everything else for their problems. Don’t do that. Taking responsibility is powerful and puts you back in the driver’s seat to find a solution.

• Admit You Suck at Something. Self-awareness is sexy, folks. When someone opens up about something they aren’t great at, we tend to respect them more and are more likely to open up in return.

• Tell Someone You Appreciate and/or Respect Them. Vulnerability is not a tactic so be careful not to translate this into overt flattery. The objective of stretch vulnerability is not to lookmore vulnerable, it’s an opportunity to express yourself genuinely and with heart. Telling someone (from a heartfelt place) that you appreciate, love or admire them is a real gift – for everyone involved.

• Express hurt. Whew, this one is not easy. It’s hard when people you know or care about cross lines and create hurt or harm. But in these moments, sharing how you feel is more than okay – it’s critical for the relationship to move forward. If you know what you stand for…then stand up for it.

Friends, trust and vulnerability are central to how we move as humans. In our effort to be better today then we were yesterday, I encourage you to be present with the people in your world and see each moment as an opportunity to grow and deepen your relationships at work and home.

And as we all gather over the holidays, take advantage of the opportunities that find their way to you. Let these last few weeks conspire in your favor.