Guest Blog: Sometimes “I don’t Know” is the Best Answer

(First appeared in WRAL TechWire)

Today we’re doing a blog takeover featuring the amazing Jennifer Curtis, CEO and Co-founder of Firsthand Foods. Jen and I are in a monthly business mastermind group together and I was inspired by the insights she shared at our October gathering about her recent sabbatical. Today’s post is for anyone who is in pursuit of finding the time and space to recharge at a deep level and what to do with that time…when you get it. Thanks, Jennifer!

“What are you going to do?”

That’s the question everyone asked as I prepared to take my first-ever 6-week sabbatical.

“I don’t know,” was my answer.

Feeling somewhat ashamed that I had nothing planned, I wondered if I was missing out by not going on a big adventure. But something deep inside instructed me otherwise. This was a time to let go of plans, schedules and “shoulds.”

I cleared my Google calendar and erased the household “To Do” list on the side of the refrigerator. I wanted to stay curious. If not directed towards work, where would my creative energy take me? Would I revel in the blank page or feel lost without structure?

As it turned out, I’d been right to follow my instinct to just be rather than do. Letting each day unfold without pre-planning allowed my nervous system to unwind. I had known intellectually that multitasking isn’t really effective. But during this time-off, my body experienced a deep calm when I did one thing at a time. Walking and just breathing, without the distraction of listening to a podcast. Reading a novel in the middle of the day. Simply eating, without looking at or talking on the phone. Taking the train to visit my daughter instead of driving.

And that’s when three unexpected interests found their way into my life.

The first was thrift store shopping, a pastime aligned with my values and budget but one I hadn’t seriously pursued since I was a teenager. Each week, I explored a new part of the Triangle and discovered clothing and accessories to add color and texture to my life.

Second, I reached out to old friends, some of whom I hadn’t spoken with in 20 years.

We’d met when time seemed infinite and options endless. Years later, we’d suffered losses and gained wisdom. The end result? Golden conversations.

Last up: writing poetry. My Mom died less than a year ago. During the last two weeks of her life, the family followed her lead and wrote haikus to express our feelings, not just our grief but also our gratitude for her good death and the humor in the moment. We shared them in an epic, sometimes hilarious, text chain that connected us to our love for her and each other.

Now on sabbatical, new haikus emerged, helping to integrate the sadness of her death with the love I still have for life.

Here’s my sabbatical haiku:

Empty calendar

Support to be, not just do

Mornings unfolding

As I return to work, friends have asked what I hope to retain from my sabbatical.

Again, I don’t know. But I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s okay if I don’t know.  After all, refraining from “shoulds” is what unlocked these precious insights in the first place.